I'm sitting in the parking lot of my father's HMO, where I just found out that the legal form I dropped off last week for his doctor's signature has been kicked back because it was the wrong form. The gag is I tried to give the clerk in the medical records department, the correct form last week, and she vehemently refused to take that form, insisting that it was the wrong one.
She was nasty and rude. And as it turns out. Wrong. Now I have to start over. The doctor can take up to a week to complete the form. And time is of the essence, I'm, Zuri parks. And this is chaotic.
Hello caregivers. Welcome to episode 3 of This is Chaotic. I'm your host Zuri parks. And I thank you for joining me.
Today's episode is pretty much a rant about the bad customer service we've experienced on this caregiving journey. Just to be clear, I'm using "customer service" as an all-encompassing term to include bedside manner. I realized when I sat down to record this episode that I would have to break this up into two parts because the experiences have been just that bad. So this episode, part 1 of the customer service conundrum, we'll talk about general customer service - for example in the medical records department, and in dealing with the courthouse staff. And in part 2 on Monday, I will talk about bedside manner, where I will specifically discuss the horrible doctors we've encountered in this whole process - well, the good, bad and the ugly, so to speak. So, let's dive right in.
First off, I know I mentioned previously that we are in the midst of legal issues - and what I meant by that was we are in the process of filing for guardianship of my father because he has either not designated a power of attorney, or he forgot or neglected to tell us if he has. That in itself is frustrating enough; but to add insult to injury, the rudeness that I've encountered throughout this process has made an already difficult experience far worse.
And why I'm saying I've experienced is because in addition to being a caregiver, I'm also the patient advocate. I was the patient advocate for my grandmother and my mother as well. When it comes to dealing with the doctors or medical records or anyone else involved in this process, I'm always the one.
So, let's just start with the guardianship process. When I initially started the filing, I received a copy of the form from the courthouse website and from a friend who is an attorney. And just to clarify, we are in the state of Maryland and my friend practices in the state of Maryland. So I realized that the form that he gave me was identical to the one that I downloaded from the court's website. I went ahead and filled that out and took it to the courthouse.
When I handed this neatly typed and printed form to the clerk, I thought, you know, that would be it. I would drop it off, pay whatever fees and be on my way. She gave it a quick once over and handed it back to me, and informed me that it was the wrong form for 2021 and incomplete to boot. I was confused because it was the same form they made available on their website. But she said that it had been updated for 2021; and then she proceeded to hand me an approximately 35 page packet - which was nothing at all like what I got from the website, which was only maybe like four or five pages.
I was annoyed, but I figured, okay, rookie mistake. You know, I haven't done this before. I can't expect it to go that smoothly, you know, the first time. Anyway, I asked her if I could fill out the packet and file it the same day, because what I really was looking for was an emergency filing, but I was also informed that that's not a thing apparently.
So she assured me that I could file the same day and I asked her if I could submit it, even though the doctor's forms were not filled out. When you're applying for guardianship of an adult in the state of Maryland, you also have to supply documentation from medical professionals or a social worker who can attest to their mental and physical state; and that needs to be filed as well. Anyway, this clerk assured me, "Yes, you can file a packet today, even without the doctor's forms". So I sat down right there in the office and copied everything I had already filled out onto the new packet. And as I sat there, I overheard the staff interactions with everyone else who came in.
A lot of them were there going through a divorce or name changes, or maybe custody. And one woman in particular was helpful to some people and then just rude to others. And there was really no rhyme or reason to it because none of these people were rude to her. Maybe she has some kind of unconscious bias against certain people.
I don't really know what it was, but when one person would ask a question she would immediately shut them down. Tell them, just fill out the form, and snap at them. While others with questions were directed to a free legal clinic in the courthouse. So I had seen enough given what I had seen so far in my interactions with her and the other staff member that was there that day, when I finished, I headed to the free legal clinic, which actually wound up being very helpful.
But I went to the legal clinic and had an attorney review what I had done thus far. And. To clarify, no, I could not have submitted it the same day - and definitely not without the doctor's forms. So this woman was not only rude, she was wrong. I took the packet home and made the necessary corrections and got the additional documentation that I needed.
And this took some time because I had to look into my father's assets and get another doctor's note. So that process took maybe like two weeks. I headed back to the courthouse one day with the check in hand for the filing fee and my packet. So the filing fee basically means you do have to pay when you file a case or you decide to petition the court and the fees vary based on whether or not you're filing with or without an attorney.
I filed without an attorney. And the difference was only like $10, but, anyway I am planning to file without an attorney. So I headed back to the courthouse about two weeks later with everything, I thought, in order. And I thought I would just drop it off and pay. So imagine my surprise when I hand a staff member the packet and she glances through and she says, this is the wrong packet. You have to complete the packet updated for this year. It was at this point where I almost snapped. I tried to calmly explain that I came in two weeks prior, and this was the form that I was given and told that this was the updated packet for the current year.
And what really annoyed me was that at no point, was this person apologetic or anything. Uh, I guess apologetic isn't the right word because it's not like she was the one who gave it to me, but her attitude was just very nonchalant - very, oh, well, this isn't the right form. She didn't take into consideration at all that this person standing in front of them is going through a difficult time and is now inconvenienced because of an error on their part. Also understand that there are forms included in this packet that are signed by other people - his doctors, my sister who's the co-petitioner. So the prospect of going through all of that again, because they gave me the wrong documents, made me see red.
So I went back and forth with the clerk for a couple of minutes, because - as I explained - there's no way that I could go back and ask the doctors to redo these certifications; especially one, because he was at the hospital where my father was. I had no way to track him down. And there was also a form that my sister signed. And, again, this sets me back. Legal proceedings are time sensitive, which is what these people who are working in a courthouse are not mindful of. Ultimately I had to do the pages over that were just the pages I filled out.
I did not redo the, you know, doctor certificate or any of that. And again I had to sit here for a half hour or so and do this. While I was there. So that was a major inconvenience to go there twice and be told that, oh, this is the wrong documentation. So anyway, that was the courthouse situation.
Moving on. Let's talk about my father's HMO. I won't name them, but they are a big HMO in the DC area and their headquarters is in the Bay area, so they know who they are. I want them to know so that they will do better. First of all, I can't get through to their medical records department at a particular location in the DC area by phone. Every time you call, it gives you the menu and it says, dial the following number to reach this department. And then it goes nowhere. You know, when you're calling for medical records, it's usually for a very important reason and you need to be able to reach them. I shouldn't have to call internal medicine or radiology or some department that has nothing to do with medical records to get in touch with them.
So that's problem number one. Secondly, every single time I deal with their medical records department, I get a different story. The information is consistently inconsistent. First I had trouble getting what I needed to go on FMLA because my father had only signed a temporary authorization form, which had since expired. This form authorizes them to release medical records to your HR department, because it's someone else's medical records; so that they can verify that your loved one has an illness that requires you to take care of them. However, he also signed a permanent authorization form at the same time, but when I went to turn it in, he had signed in the wrong place. So I go through the trouble of getting him to sign the form again - which is no easy feat for someone with dementia who's generally in a state of confusion or paranoia.
Most of the time. Finally, I get his signature in a moment of clarity after a virtual doctor's appointment. It was nothing short of a miracle. Basically, after he heard me explain to his doctor why could not go on FMLA and we ended the conversation with his doctor, he turned to me and asked, "what do I need to sign?"
And I was just so shocked. I asked him what do you mean? He said, what do I need to sign for your job? And we were able to get that done. After all of that, I took the form to his HMO and the clerk takes one look at it and says, "Who gave you this??" At this point, I had the form for some time and I honestly couldn't tell her who gave it to me initially, because I didn't take the person's name at the time, but she goes on a inform me that he has to sign the form in person to avoid fraud.
And listen, I get it. I saw, I Care a Lot. I understand why this is necessary. What I don't understand is why the person who gave me the form wasn't aware of this. When I tell you I was on the verge of tears. I was about to hold up the entire line of people behind me with a legit nervous breakdown at this point because getting my father to come in to sign something is just out of the question at this point, and asking him to sign anything at all is difficult.
So that was a complete cluster. And I will say the good thing about the woman that I dealt with that day was that she did find an alternative for me. And this form is a temporary fix, but it did give me what I needed to finally go on FMLA because my employer was actually giving me a difficult time about taking off to take care of my dad and not formally having FMLA on file.
So she was an example of good customer service. She was helpful. She found a workaround, and she was great. Everybody else has just been kind of rude except for one person. There's a man there, he was very nice. But the problem is that everyone is giving inconsistent information. One person tells you, you need this thing and another person tells you something else.
Moving on now I'm dealing with the guardianship paperwork. And despite my sit down with the law clinic, my filing was kicked back for some deficiencies - as they call them. The biggest issue is that I had to get another medical certification because one of the certificates I submitted was not by a doctor who had seen my dad within the designated timeframe. Now, again, we live in Maryland and in the state of Maryland, one of the documents has to come from a doctor who has seen the patient in the last 21 days. Not a month, not 30 days - 21 days specifically. So I forged ahead and I made an appointment with his psychiatrist, which was necessary anyway because he started to have breakthrough episodes recently.
And then I turned in the form. I get there and I hand the clerk, a physician's certificate because his doctor is a psychiatrist. So the way that it works is in the packet there are different types of forms, depending on who you request to complete them. There's a social workers form. There's a physician's form. There's a psychologist form. There's a nurse's form. And I think there are a couple of others. So this doctor is a psychiatrist, but there is no form in there for a psychiatrist. There's only a form for a psychologist. So I actually called the courthouse to ask them about this. I said, you know, the doctor that is completing the certificate is not a psychologist, he's a psychiatrist. So which form should I have him complete - the physician certificate or what? And they actually said that he should complete the physician certificate. So I hand a physician's certificate to this clerk in the medical records department and she refuses to take the form and says this doctor has to complete the psychologist's certificate.
I tried to explain to her what the courts told me and that psychiatrists and psychologists are not the same, so he should complete the physician's certificate; and she copped an attitude and refuse to take the physician form from me. She absolutely refused. I even tried to give her both the physician's certificate and a psychologist's certificate so that maybe he could decide for himself which one he should complete. She just said no; and I thought, okay, you do this all day. You should know. So a few days pass and I hadn't heard anything back. I told them I would pick it up. So I figured they would call when the form was completed and ready for pickup, or in the very least to let me know if there was a problem, but I hadn't heard anything from them either way.
So I head over there on my lunch break and the clerk that I encounter says, "Did anybody call you?" And I'm like, ma'am, that's why I'm here. I'm here because no one has called me. And I haven't heard anything either way. I need to check on the status because this is a legal document. Time is of the essence. TIK TOK! Like, what is going on.
She's like, well, I can't give it to you. I have to give it to your father because he's a patient. No, that's not at all how it works. I've done this twice now. She's giving me all of this misinformation. She hasn't even gotten my information yet to see who I am or what the document is. Finally, she looks it up and she goes to the back. She comes back and tells me that there was a problem with the form and the doctor couldn't fill it out. Why? Because he's a psychiatrist and he should fill out the physician's form, not the psychologist's form, which is exactly what I told the clerk that I dealt with a few days prior. So now I have to go back because this person refused to take the correct document for me. I have to go back and get that document. And on top of that, this person today is telling me that also have to submit this additional form with my father's signature. Again, this is the same form that I submitted with my FMLA documents that he just signed two months ago.
And at the bottom of the form it states that this signature is good for a year. She insists, "No, you have to submit this every time you submit one of these certificates to a doctor." At this point, I had submitted two doctor's certificates for his doctors to complete and at neither time did I have to submit this additional form.
So again, it's the inconsistency for me. I take that form and ask her over and over again whether the form that they have on file is not sufficient because it is good for a year. She insists I have to complete that form. So I take it home. Luckily, my dad was having a good day. He was pretty clear. He was able to sign that. I get the physician's certificate. I go back the next day and turn both of those in. When I get there and I'm trying to hand this person the form that my father signed, she said, who told you you need this?
I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "who told you that" or "who gave you this?" And the sad part is at least the people who ask that question are trying to hold someone accountable for the misinformation that they're giving out. But I just need everyone to get on the same page because they're giving people the runaround who are already dealing with a lot. As caregivers, we're going through a lot.
So the least you can do is give us the correct information. But over and over again, every time I talk to someone, I get a different story.
So I'm just going to end that here for today. It really took everything in me not to lose my temper through all of this because I'm just trying to do this the right way, and it's very frustrating when you go to an office that is the authority on these things and get a different story every time you show up. So fix it. The system's broken. Fix it.
I'll pick up with part two on next week's episode.
So before I sign off today, I wanted to share this week's wellness tip. This is something I like to share every episode for all of us caregivers out there that's accessible and helpful to us as far as maybe relaxing or something meditative. So this week's wellness tip is adult coloring books. You heard right. Coloring. I know it sounds childish and it sounds like something that is not for adults, but much like what I mentioned in a previous episode with slow TV, coloring - or any type of art in general - actually has meditative effects. So one thing that really helped me when my mom was in the hospital for a long time at the end of her cancer battle, I carried adult coloring books with me and some colored pencils, and I would just sit and color while we waited or while she slept. And it really did help to ease my mind. And there is science to that. You know, art therapy is a real thing. So this is something that has helped me. And I hope that it helps you.
Adult coloring books are available pretty much everywhere. You could find them in the bookstore. You can find them on Amazon. There are plenty of them out there. And you know it doesn't really have to be an adult coloring book. It just needs to be a coloring book because it's the actual act of sitting down and coloring that is meditative. It doesn't really have to be adult coloring book so to speak, but it's out there.
And in the show notes, I'll share some information on the benefits of coloring or art therapy for you all to read over. So I'll drop that in the show notes and that's the wellness tip for this week. Try it. Hopefully it helps. Let me know. It has been helpful for me.
I actually shared this with my coworkers once in a staff meeting. I led the meeting that day and I said, so while we meet today, I want us all to color. I had made copies of pages from coloring books and I handed them out and my coworkers thought it was so absurd. How are we supposed to color and pay attention? This is weird, but they were good sports. They played along and then halfway through the meeting they started to comment on how calm they felt, or how it helped them to focus on the discussion at hand. And they were all kind of amazed at that. And then at the end, we also had these pages that we could - just like, you know, when your kids put their art on the fridge. We all had these pages that everyone created and it wound up being fun.
Try it out, see what you think. And let me know, and that is it for today's episode of This is Chaotic. Make sure to check in next week for part two of the customer service conundrum. I thank you for joining me, and remember, we're all doing the best that we can. Take care.
